I have had a rough few years and had been pretty much keeping to myself and staying away from any romantic relationships until 10 months ago. I met this guy and as crazy as it sounds I knew I loved him from the first time we met. Are first conversation was brief and truthful about nothing but I couldn’t wait to talk to him again. I told myself I was crazy but this man didn’t look at me like the other. He looked me straight in my eyes he saw into the deepest parts of my soul. We talked almost everyday. One day he went on a trip and we didn’t talk for 3 days and I missed him bad. I didn’t understand it we barely knew each other. When he returned are talks got longer and deeper I couldn’t go a day without talking to him. Oh did I mention we live in different states. One weekend in April I had to go on a business trip to North Carolina and all my free time there I was on the phone talking to him like always. On my return home I got stuck in his home state of Georgia and we fought because I was planning on staying at the airport until I could fly out the next day. He wasn’t having it. He picked me up, took me to get something to eat, we talked well he talked I listened. He rented a hotel room and went out and got me things I needed like soap ,toothpaste,toothbrush he went way above and beyond. We spent our first night together but it wasn’t our last. The next day he moved around his shift at work so he could take me to breakfast and spend time with me until my fight. That was the day I knew I wanted to spend my life with him. Not because he brought me things but because I knew he truly cared about me and was a gentleman to his word. That’s also where I think I made my first mistake. I started letting fear take over and I was doing things to push him away. I knew I never wanted him to leave. After my return home all we talked about was us and growing and building a relationship. In June we went to Chicago for my birthday and once again he treated me like a queen. You ask what was the one thing that stood out to me I can’t answer because it was aloft of things. He held the umbrella when it rained, he opened doors for me, we held hands just walking down the street. I felt loved. We went back to Atlanta and he took me to a house and he said he wanted it for us and we could have it if we worked together. Truthfully I could care less about the house. I just wanted him but if he wanted that house I was going to do my part for him to have it as long as I could have him. Things became real for me I knew in my heart and soul this was the man for me. Almost like God created him for me. I found out I was pregnant and miscarried our child I felt like I had committed a crime against him. I don’t why because he never made me feel like that. He flew right down when he found out even through he couldn’t stay the fact that he came to be with me to have dinner with me meant more to me than words could say. In July he came back so I wouldn’t have to face the two-year anniversary of my father’s death alone and I loved him deeper. I started to see at that time that he was distance and I tried to pull him back in but he started seeing my ways as something darker and I don’t know why because all I ever did since day one was love him. I went to Atlanta to start the process of me moving there so we could be together for real. I told my family I was leaving, I told my children and I started showing them pictures of him and his daughter and I told them that soon we would start the process of introductions and becoming a family unit. He completely shut down on me. He wouldn’t talk to me I don’t know what I did wrong. All I wanted was to love him, stand by his side, support his dreams, give him a child and be his wife. Today he broke me. He took the circle he filled in and shattered it into a million pieces. I don’t think I can be fixed. Tears just won’t stop flowing and with all this pain I just thinking of all the good things and that all I ever wanted was him. I feel lost.
presleyrosie 